How to See the Good Things in Life
Several years ago I found myself in a dark place. I struggled with severe anxiety and depression and being alone was a monumental challenge. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely, but the two were inextricably linked for me. I worked from home, so whenever my husband left for work in the morning, I became struck by a deep sense of emptiness. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t take pleasure in anything. I would go for lunchtime walks in an attempt to free myself of these feelings. Yet, when I looked at my surroundings - open fields abundant with wildlife, a babbling brook nearby - it was like seeing it all through a smeared lens. I could sense it was there, but I couldn’t make out the details, I couldn’t access its full beauty or take comfort in it.
This feeling of looking at life through a smeared lens spread into every aspect of my life. Things that had previously brought me pleasure, such as reading or writing poetry, were no longer accessible to me. I sought counselling to help me work through my feelings and it was the best thing I could have done. It was a long journey and the bottoming out was one of the hardest things I’ve faced in my life. Over time, simple things, the truly good things in life, began to come into focus once more. Laughing with my husband, sitting in my garden, walking in nature, reading, writing – all began to come back to me with more clarity than ever before. Being alone is now something I take great pleasure in. I enjoy the space and time for reflection and simply noticing what’s around me.
You’ll have all heard the saying that ‘If you have your health, you have everything.’ This statement rings true on such a personal level for me. I won’t pretend that I don’t still have my struggles and harder days, I’m still continuing my personal journey, but investing time in me by having counselling opened up closed pathways inside of me. It allowed me to truly know, deeply know, what was good in my life. As a society, we’re very willing to go and fix a broken leg, for example, but a lot less open to doing the inner work some of us so badly need to have good mental health. We may have been told, often not explicitly, that counselling makes you lesser or weaker in some way. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s a sign of inner strength. Asking for help is not a failure. It can help if we start to assess mental and physical health in the same way, as part of a whole, rather than as separate entities. You wouldn’t break your leg and keep walking on it every day for years without visiting a medical professional. By extension, then, why suffer in silence if you feel oppressed by anxiety or depression?
To quote Fredric Brown, an American science fiction, fantasy, and mystery writer:
‘When you look out of a window, when you look at anything, you know what you’re seeing? Yourself. A thing can only look beautiful or romantic or inspiring only if the beauty or romance or inspiration is inside you.’
I’d go one step further here and say that these things are inside of us all. We simply need to be given the right tools to help us see them. If you don’t have these tools, that’s not a reflection on you. It’s not a failing that you’re responsible for and neither is it too late to learn them. Spend time learning about yourself, helping yourself, with the guidance of others who can teach us. The good things in life will become clear once more.
Lottie Angell